My Jesus was not a gospel, not a savior, not a holy man who forgives my sins. My Jesus was not a church, not its songs, its belief systems, not a god who loves me unconditionally. My Jesus was not a set of values, not laws I must obey to feel righteous. Not prayers, good wishes, or the spreading of a holy name. Not donations to a church, not helping just because God said so, not avoiding a list of sins. My Jesus was not Jesus. He was the smile of someone who said hello. The purr of my cats. My will to fight. My support was my friends— the ones who stayed when I fell into despair, who forgave my wrongdoings without divine instruction. My salvation was music, the way I learned to shape anger and pain into words, to walk until I could scream. My sins were forgiven in reflection, ...